sixpenceee:

Informal infographic depicting evolution 

(via aswuuska)

redscudery:

swanqueenidiot:

Okay so the Colbert Report posted a link to the Ellen Page interview, right

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And I was already happy it was a fan favorite. But THE COMMENTS

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I MEAN

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IT’S JUST TOO GREAT

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ADAM AND EVE NOT ADAM AND MAPLE LEAF

Pray the eh away

(via aswuuska)

filed under: jokes i didn’t understand when i was younger

(Source: riseoftheguardian, via elsathesassysnowqueen)

supermishamiga:

beccaoneilljackson:

I tried to “translate” Jensen’s message but it wasn’t really needed right? wth Jen lol 
Captain Obvious Ackles on the Cockles ship
(x)

had to add some more!

supermishamiga:

beccaoneilljackson:

I tried to “translate” Jensen’s message but it wasn’t really needed right? wth Jen lol

Captain Obvious Ackles on the Cockles ship

(x)

had to add some more!

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(via crossroadscastiel)

drinking-for-two:

feng-huang:

kyntello:

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I’ve been waiting for this for so long

It’s completely unacceptable how hard I laughed at this

(via zap-said-the-lady)

sublimemichael:

my anaconda don’t want none unless you got 

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hun

(via mybraveweelassie)

i-need-that-seat:

iapollogise:

I love pirates because they have no concept on albeism. oh you have no leg? here have a peg leg. no hand?? well guess we gotta put a hook on that, give those sons of bitches a surprise. Blind in one eye, put an eyepatch on no one fucking cares, youre deaf??? go man the canons you glorious bastard.They dont care if youre disabled bcus as long as you can fuck shit up they literally dont fucking care.

I never thought about it this way. This is beautiful.

(via zap-said-the-lady)

eren-jaegers-anger-issues:

i-dont-have-netflix:

disengxge:

onision-shane-dan-phil:

thewintersoulja:

frappemako:

the-one-inside:

someottersmarryhedgehogs:

noiselesspatientspider:

iheartuniversecookies:

angelas-extrasandstuff:

I would like to share this beautiful passage with all of you, it’s long, but worth it. And I swear to god I didn’t alter any of this. 
….
Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs still wet from the shower’s water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet.
Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf (which is seriously his name) quivering with desire in the hallway.
Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter – hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hilda’s rich chest.
As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm.“Hilda,” Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda’s warm thighs. “There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire.”
Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.
“Torolf,” Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. “I need you.”Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently.Hilda looked at him expectantly.“Oh, sorry,” she added. “Torolf, I need you – sexually.”
At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf’s undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge.
Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.
Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands. Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.
Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson’s. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms!
The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room.Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop.
She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water. “Torolf,” she said softly, “there’s something I have to tell you…”
But her bed was empty.
Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.
….

DICK
ANEURYSM

GALLOPING ABS

Who told this lady she could write?

Why did she ever stop?

IT GETS WORSE THE FURTHER IN THE PASSAGE YOU GO OMG

i fukcing lost it at meat wand

"Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it." OH MY GOD

engorged pecker is my favourite word for a penis now

'ENTERED HER LIKE SHE WAS THE LOTTERY' NEW CHAT UP LINE

SPONGY LOVE MOUNTAINS 

eren-jaegers-anger-issues:

i-dont-have-netflix:

disengxge:

onision-shane-dan-phil:

thewintersoulja:

frappemako:

the-one-inside:

someottersmarryhedgehogs:

noiselesspatientspider:

iheartuniversecookies:

angelas-extrasandstuff:

I would like to share this beautiful passage with all of you, it’s long, but worth it. And I swear to god I didn’t alter any of this. 

….

Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs still wet from the shower’s water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet.

Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf (which is seriously his name) quivering with desire in the hallway.


Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter – hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hilda’s rich chest.


As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm.
“Hilda,” Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda’s warm thighs. “There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire.”


Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.


“Torolf,” Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. “I need you.”
Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently.
Hilda looked at him expectantly.
“Oh, sorry,” she added. “Torolf, I need you – sexually.”

At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf’s undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge.

Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.

Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands. Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.

Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson’s. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms!

The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room.
Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop.

She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water. “Torolf,” she said softly, “there’s something I have to tell you…”

But her bed was empty.

Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.

….

DICK

ANEURYSM

GALLOPING ABS

Who told this lady she could write?

Why did she ever stop?

IT GETS WORSE THE FURTHER IN THE PASSAGE YOU GO OMG

i fukcing lost it at meat wand

"Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it." OH MY GOD

engorged pecker is my favourite word for a penis now

'ENTERED HER LIKE SHE WAS THE LOTTERY' NEW CHAT UP LINE

SPONGY LOVE MOUNTAINS 

(Source: , via zap-said-the-lady)

cnnbreaking:

the most accurate picture of the retail industry 

(Source: spongy-moments, via zap-said-the-lady)

birger-wuvs-elsa:

watchhowidinosaur:

knightarcana:

deadmaid:

sarahsprite:

deadmaid:

lvkesprite:

what old joke are we going to bring back next

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NO

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MY FAVORITE

you forgot one

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Coming to Tumblr to learn about things like this make it worth it.

(via zap-said-the-lady)

zohbugg:

casibarria:

These are photos of children crying for some great reasons, and these are my favorites lol.

whenever I tell people I don’t want kids, they get all indignant like “oh you say that now.” Then I just send them this photoset.

^ reasons I only want cats

(via zap-said-the-lady)

blame-the-feels:

arya-stormborn:

maddieatsbrains:

holy frick

from now on, whenever anybody doubts marvel casting ill just show them this

My dad the comic book expert said they made Fury look like Samuel L Jackson with his permission in the comic book. So when they made the movie, guess who they had to go find? Samuel L Jackson.

(Source: syntaxbitch, via zap-said-the-lady)

sheeptopus:

impala-dalecki:

bealli62:

spikezombie:

cigurettes:

tumblr is like egypt nobody understands us and we worship cats

And our language is images.

image

Heiro-GIF-ics

Ok can we talk about how masterful that last pun was

(via zap-said-the-lady)

Rapunzel + Little Habits

'…fiddling with hair…can signify anxiety, incompetence, uncertainty or shyness…’

(Source: theywearpink, via asylum-countess)

hiccupofcoffee:

Guys

Guys

Have you ever noticed the ‘Love is an Open Door’ battle on YT where people sing the song from frozen??
Watch this

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but these guys where lip syncing so ppl got pissed and then 

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but it gets better

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much better

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(via elkaydee)